It Signals Independence from External Validation
Many people rely—more than they realize—on external approval to feel secure. Appearance becomes a way to signal belonging: “I care,” “I’m trying,” “I fit in.”
Someone who lets their hair go gray may be perceived as stepping outside this system. They appear less concerned with approval, trends, or pleasing others. This can be deeply unsettling to those who still depend on those signals for reassurance.
Psychologically, this reaction is known as projection. The discomfort is not about the gray-haired person, but about what their confidence reflects back: What if I didn’t need approval either? What would that mean about the effort I’m making?
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